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Reflections on Being A Healer+Medium

I've seen so much Death in my life, that I know it's the reason why I've fallen into this work.


Connecting more to myself, I recall so many moments in time where it was clear I was a Healer:


-I could always sense when a student wasn't okay. I knew there would be something wrong. I sensed the vibes in homes I'd be in on the daily. I used to teach lessons door to door in my 20's, I could feel if a home was a negative space or a positive space.


-Every time anyone passed away that I knew of, I would be deeply affected.


-Some of my first experiences of feeling that way would be when I'd learn of a grandparent's friend passing, or even a girl I knew in school who passed unexpectedly.


Death affected me deeply. I honored it, I always felt it was a Holy experience, and I used to beg my father to tell me about my grandparents who had passed on. I would sit there in tears, begging to hear more - just because I like being in that space. Connecting with them through stories + feeling that loss so deeply was so nourishing to me.


I loved feeling deeply as a kid. It was my comfort place. It felt good to wade in that feeling, I didn't make myself crazy with it... I just always was a deep child.


As time went on, I became a shell of who I once was.


Formerly a teenager who was hypnotizing herself, going through meditations, practicing psychic skills, I went from being pretty active in my psychic experience, to shoving it all down, putting it away in a neat little box. Why? Because it was time to pick a career, a real-world, solid career.


I wasn't even "allowed" to major in Vocal Performance at first, I had to agree to Music Ed if I had to pick anything to do with music, at all.


So, I put on a new identity, and made it through 6 years of Music Education schooling, graduated from Columbia University, and moved on to my first real job. I'll never forget I was interviewed early on and they asked "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" I swear my inner voice knew... because in my gut I thought "Not here.... not for what I studied....I don't even KNOW what I want." I knew a kid in college who went to study sound healing & eventually tried the church. Something within me resonated with him... I knew he was on a path that I was headed. I wanted to do something like that, but I still didn't have a clue what my calling was.


I put it away and started my voice teaching career.


Then, I was hit by death again, at the beginning of my career, my Aunt passed away. She was my very heart. A woman who fiercely protected me my entire life, in and out of school; I cherished her with every fibre of my being. She made me feel special, loved and unique. She always went out of her way to support me. Never missed a birthday. Never missed many shows of mine.


And she had 3 kids of her own, her own life. She was a full time teacher.


She made space in her life for me. At the end of her life... I held the space and the idea of the time she gave up from her entire existence to love on me and make sure I knew I was supported. When you reflect at the end of a life like that... it just breaks me.


So when she passed, there was all this space someone held for me that just... poof... disappeared. I spoke at her funeral, I've since had a falling out with her entire family. I mourn for little Chelsea all the time. She misses wholeness, completeness, family.


But there are some things time & death do to relationships, and that's warp, bend, or mend.


It was the beginning of another Awakening for me, and I was lost. Not only that, but the previous year, we lost our home in a house fire.


I'd been met with grief, but each time, I seemed to grow from the adversity rather get sucked up in it. I learned healing modalities + grew wiser in the energetic arts.


Other signs in my life that I was a Healer and didn't quite know it: I always felt very close with certain people. I'd feel a connection to them, care for them deeply, or just really think of them often. I still do this. I try not to be "weird" about it, but I just love people very deeply.

I spent years not being able to feel, I numbed myself in so many ways. Trying to stay perfect, uphold an image. I imagined myself this clean cut, perfect protestant-looking person. I changed my name professionally to my husband's as soon as I could, so I could assimilate faster.


Not showing the unique Jewish Italian Loud, Silly, Loving person I am... I was holding back this creature in me, so this shadow self showed up, yearning to be dangerous, and self-harming. That shadow manifested and hurt me, because *I didn't want to be me*.


My uncle died in 2021. I basically had a nervous breakdown and couldn't sleep for days. Then, three people who I love very much ended up hurt the following spring, all of them unwell at the same time. All were relatives in the same facility, and eventually one of them, my grandfather, passed away. I needed to gain the courage to speak at his funeral. He meant so much to me. I will always honor the dead, even if it hurts or is hard.


Every loss I've encountered breeds more depth for me, and though unfortunate for me, here, on this plane, I am honored to have relatives who cross over and choose to assist me and be here with me daily. I am soul supported by them.


Upon healing, this shadow self is now INTEGRATED into my personality, into who I truly am. But I needed time away...


Until I healed, my gifts couldn't turn on fully without some issues. Now that I feel the healthiest I have ever felt... Everything is 20/20. So much clearer. I feel less resentment and more love.


I've forgiven people and stayed away. I've held my boundaries and can send love to these people of my past.


Every awakening I've had is tied to family, tied to closeness I've had with people. I had I not been broken by the loves of my life, I wouldn't have received the keys to the doors I had to figure out how to open.


I'm grateful for my pain, because I'm an alchemist. I turn my pain into purpose.


Even through out all the sadness and grief, the path of the Healer is a beautiful one. I have always felt this truth inside my body, I just never knew how to express it.


That's why I'm here now. Helping others unlock the secrets to their soul, their voices... their mission.


I love being the voice witch.


I love holding deep space.


I love honoring Trans lives within my work.


I love honoring the LGBTQIA community.


I love being apart of the LGBTQIA community.


I love the richness and fullness and diversity of the company I keep.


I love that my values are reflected in the company I keep, and the company I keep knows I truly do that work to reflect the respect i HAVE for them.


I love that I feel secure to share this is a sacred space.


This is an anti-racist, non anti-semitic space.


This is a space for everyone to feel safe, and if you don't like who I honor in this space, I don't want YOU here.


Love to all, may we all be freaking radically ourselves,


Chelsea

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